Frank

Let me be frank with you.

Marriage is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

It is also the most rewarding.

I can't see my life without my husband in it.

But with that being said there are times when things are rough 

and I just have to cry.

It's hard being married at 21. It was even harder being married at 19.

There are times when I mourn for the days of being single and carefree with my friends.

There are times when I just want to be back in New York living with my family.

But then I realize there was no Sam in those moments. 

There was no man that loved me to the deepest levels of my soul.

And whom I love just the same.

Sometimes I think people, especially younger married people in the Mormon community, make marriage out to be a walk in the park.

And honestly sometimes it is. But sometimes there are moments when I just want to scream at my husband.

Sometimes there are moments when I wonder was I truly ready for this. 

Sometimes I am one of those people that make marriage out to be a walk in the park. 

My go to response when people ask me how married life is treating me is to tell them that it is fun.

Sometimes it's so fun to get to spend every day with Sam.

But sometimes it's not so fun.

Some days I just need my own friends and time away from Sam.

I think the biggest difficulty that Sam and I have had in our marriage, apart from living with his parents the first four months (which I would not recommend to anyone), is not having our own friends.

Our own things to do and time away from each other.

Sometimes all I need is just time away from Sam. 

Since we have moved schools and came to ISU, 

we have both had difficulty coming into our own.

It's great to have Sam to go through all of this with, 

but to be frank, I just need some girlfriends! to chat about anything and everything with.

Sometimes I get that with my friends that are at BYU-I. 

And I thirst for more of those moments.

And sometimes I need my family.

The ones that have seen me at my weakest moments and been there for me always.

It is a very hard thing to be the one in a marriage where it's your family that lives far away.

It's incredibly difficult for me at times to only see my family once a year.

I grew up with my ENTIRE family a thirty drive from me.

Now they are all 2000+ miles away.

I'm not saying that I don't like/love my in-laws.

I couldn't have married into a better family.

I constantly laugh because of them and they bring serious joy to my life.

But since I am being frank, Alan is not my dad.

And I love my dad more than words could describe. 

I miss him more than I could ever write.

Alan is an amazing father-in-law and I get to do things with him that I would never do with my own father, which is just awesome.

And Sydney is seriously the best mother-in-law ever.

She is my Momma Syd.

I love her.

I don't have a relationship with my own mother, so she is my mom.

She fills a void in my life. as cheesy as that sounds.

But back to this marriage thing.

It is hard.

It requires a lot of work.

I have cried more times than I would like to admit.

But my marriage is the best thing that I ever happened to me.

Sam was the best decision I ever made.

I love him more than anything in the entire world.

I wouldn't trade this life for anything.

It isn't always an easy life, but sometimes it is the best life ever.

Until next time!